red lipstick

She stood in  front of the bathroom mirror, an array of makeup in front of her. Most days she looked in that mirror and thought, Not bad for an old broad. some days she was grateful for the war paint, for it covered a multitude. Today was weird, she was stuck somewhere in between. The black dress hugged her every curve, heels in a height appropriate for work adorned her feet. the makeup was good, and the hair was rocking. Today only a few specks of grey showed reminding her she was not 20, but she was not dead either.

Looking in the mirror she kept hunting for that thing to make her sparkle today, she smiled and knew exactly what it was, red lipstick. Now to find the right shade, the one to decide if she was a goddess or if she was the wicked woman on the street corner. She had them all. picking her way through each tube she was waiting for inspiration.

Finally she found it, blood red, as if you had just severed an artery and watched it pool on the floor.The color of life, strength, power and lust. She put it on slowly, delibertly.

Looking up in the mirror at the full effect the smiled. Soft chocolate color on the eyes, a hint of pink on her cheeks, soflty smoothing away the years. But those lips… The smile that went from sweet an innocent to wicked and naughty. She caught herself biting her lip and wondering how may times through the day would someone have their own private thought about those red lips. How many men would wonder what they tasted like, or what they would look like wrapped around his cock. Or how many women would wonder if the red of her lipstick would tint the lips of her pussy as she licked it.

She knew that in life you were either someones cup of tea or not. Today she wanted to be someones Jack and coke. Better yet someones Crown on the rocks. That sweet slow burn that made you feel alive. Just one more glance in the mirror. Those red lips.. they look so much better when you smile, so she did. And with that she went off into the world. Her head held high, a sway in her hips as she walked and the slight glint of a dare in her eyes.

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Where did she go?

Life gets in the way, the every day of it all. Trust me when i say i love my life. It is filled to the brim with goodness, but i think my sex goddess is in hibernation.

I try every day to look good. there are no sweat pants and baggy t shirts. Parfume and makeup are in attendance often. I have cute under clothes and they do not just live in the drawer. But i fear that my dirty girl fire is missing, not missing just not sparked. I have not written in some time. I watch porn on occasion and think ” that was nice” and then go back to the dishes. I haven’t read any erotica in some time. I need that sexual energy boost in the worst way. I fear that my lack of fire is killing my ability to entice my man. We are just different and i wonder if it is me. Did i just become Martha Stewart. Where is my inner porn star? Another birthday is around the corner and 48 sounds old to me for some reason. I cant keep enough color on my grey hair. Hell i ordered bifocals to go in my fishing gear for god’s sake.

I know it is all just in my head. I know that i am loved but i fear that i am not always desired. Lord knows that we have the busiest lives and that things happen but i have a hard time shaking the ever nagging fear that…..

time to breath deep and sort this shit out because i want to be wanted and if i cant get past the blockage in my own brain then there is no way he can get past it either.

 

mutual masterbation

That lazy afternoon was winding down. Life had been way to busy and play time had been in short order. They both hungered for play and needed the release. Still there was this reality that time and energy were not matching up.

His sensual naked body reclined on the couch and she wanted to touch him in the worst way, but he was engrossed in the TV and she knew he had been working so hard and deserved the down time. He knew she was watching and loved messing with her hunger when he got the chance. So he continued to lounge there and make random twitching actions with his ample cock. At some point he decided to test her resolve and began fingering his own swelling cock. Giving her a wicked smile and silently daring her to act. He wondered just what she would do.

It was not long before the hunger in her won. How she loved watching him stroke his cock and to see his body respond. Every inch of him throbbed as he stroked. She slid her chair around so that he had a good view of her naked and dripping cunt. Biting her lip she slipped first one finger then two into the warm wetness and smiled at him. There was no need for words, but he added the ones that made her melt even more.

That’s my very good, naughty girl, her growled. Her breath caught as she looked him in the eyes and asked him, please tell me. Tell you what he asked, even though he knew. But how he loved to hear her ask. Tell me to cum, she whispered. Not yet was his response, but don’t stop, was the carnal growl. She changed the rhythm so as to do as he bid, but she wanted to cum so badly. She would not until he gave her permission, but the ache, the hunger grew.

As he slipped from the couch he came to her on his knees, sliding his throbbing cock into her dripping cunt. That action nearly sent her over the edge. Whispering in her ear, he said NOW. And with that she came hard. He groaned as she did and continued his deep thrusts. Now it is daddy’s turn he said as he grabbed her hips and came deep within her.

Giggling she looked at him and said, Look what a mess you made. Not me he said. You know what happens when you finger that pretty thing. Yes but you started it she said coyly. Yes i did, and i  finished it too, he said with a satisfied grin.

Oh how i love naked Saturdays

Hello there

I find myself needing to write. I am not sure of the words only the feelings.  This last year was good in so many ways. I went back to sharing an office with people i enjoy. Work for the most part is good and getting better. My life is a blessed one full of love and good people. I am loved everyday by a wonderful man who has helped me to find myself, no excuses, no walls.

But there is that one thing. My daughter is still choosing to keep me out of her life. Refusing to even acknowledge even holiday texts. Basic human decency has left her. It rips out my heart, but my hands are tied.

I am trying and yes trying is the word. to let it go to find my peace with the situation. It will take time, and i will survive. Even though i have had a few moments when i just wanted to drive off the mountain and have the pain stop. But that would only end it for me and cause so much pain for those in my life who do love me. So i put on my big girl pants, found a smile and cried in the quiet darkness.

Life is truly about finding the joy in the moments and living in that joy. The world is full of black nothingness but i will not live there. I will find the light and live there. I have no desire to hide in the shadows again. So for now i am sending my girl all of the love the world has and hope she finds her own path to the sunshine.

How I knew i was loved

Trust me when i tell you i am very aware every day that i am loved. But there are those defining moments that you never forget. When i was married before my then husband and i would talk about the day when we could retire and the life we wanted. When asked he would say that all he needed to be happy was a chunk of land, his truck, his dog and his hunting gear. I would look at him and ask if that was all. After a pause he would look at me and go Oh yeah and my wife. It gutted me every time.

Now here we are years later and i am remarried. Life every day is good. So driving down the road my husband, my king, realizes he has no lighter. this is tragic in his world. I pull one out of my pocket and laughingly ask him what he would do without me. He response melted my heart. I would be a wreck, living in the poor house, a shell of a human with an alcoholic girlfriend working 2 jobs. No i would just die. That is what my life would be without you.

How time changes and how great it is to be so loved.

This life

I never imagined i would be living this life. And before you go running off down some rabbit hole let me say this life is good. Yes there have been some rough moments but this is the nature of things.

I am not sure what i thought life would be like. My parents certainly did not have the white picket fence life. But somewhere in my 19 year old brain that is what i thought marriage was. By the time my daughter came when i was 21 it was clear picket fences were not in the cards. Hard work was on tap and my career was moving forward. My marriage was dying but i thought that if i worked hard and made things financially easier the marriage would rebound. It didn’t.

So here i am days past my 47th birthday on marriage number 2. Living  a life that i never imagined. Being loved every day by a man 10 years younger. We see the world through different glasses but somehow it works. There is a balance to life that feels good. I see big change in the wind. I think it has its good and bad points but i know that we will sit down and talk it all out. It could mean some changes in how we live life but change is what causes growth and that is always a good thing.

Is life perfect? Hell no. Nothing in life is. I am not even sure what perfect looks like. But i do know that things are as close to perfect as they could ever be. And i am choosing to live happy. To embrace the changes that come and to see the sun even on a cloudy day.

Thank you my King for being my sun.

blessed

He knows me better than anyone ever has. He sees everything and misses nothing. This morning he looked at me and asked me whats wrong. I don’t really know. It is nothing big just little things. My body hurts in ways it has not and that has me unsettled. My car is in the shop and i am driving a rental that is way to fancy and i just want my car back. I am moving bank accounts and rescheduling payments and i hate that process. Change has become the enemy of my peaceful mind. My daughter is still not talking to me and some days it rips out my heart. Her birthday and my own are days away and that has created sadness. I need to clean the carpets at home. It is the little stresses that add up sometimes and make me feel overwhelmed.

The only way i keep my shit together is the fact that my King loves me in ways i have never known. In every conversation with other people i understand just how wonderful of a man i have. I have always seen the best qualities in him. The ones he does not seem to know he has. But others see them as well. I know that in a heart beat another woman would happily take my place. It makes me a proud wife to know people love him and see all of the goodness in him. It also makes me very aware that i have to stay on my toes because if i were to take even a half step back there would be a line of women waiting to take my place. How i got so lucky i will never know.

I am going to work my way through the changes one piece at a time. Lots of deep breaths on the paper work and it will all work out and once sorted life will actually be easier. As for my daughter i can only love her until she chooses to talk to me again. And i know i can lean on the love of my King until that day.

I am looking forward to my birthday. We are taking a couple of days to just be together and relax and i need it to help clear my mind. I just want peace. I want to be able to enjoy the blessings in my life. I want the anxiety level to return to the place where i can breath easier and be in THIS moment instead of living in the worry. But with him by my side always holding my hand i know it will all be ok.

I love you my king. there will never be enough ways to show you, to tell you, to let you know the goodness and love you have brought into my life.

Mothers day and our 2nd Anniversary

This year the holiday was hard because my daughter is still not talking to me. Not even a text on the day. But my King made it all worthwhile. We spent 3 days at the lake fishing. There is some deep peace i find when he and i are together sharing this life we love. Shutting out all of the noise of the world. Our next adventure will be a holiday weekend at the ranch. For that one we can take the dogs and that will be wonderful.

There is so much fun having naughty outdoor sex. I am so grateful to have this man in my life. He is my perfect match in every way.  Now i just need to get a handle on the mess in my house. My business is doing well, loving my new location and working with old dear friends.  If i could just repair the damage with my child things would be perfect.

Love, Life, Weddings and Weekends

Some times in life you just have to stop and really take it all in. Tomorrow some dear friends are getting married. They  have had many challenges but they bring out the best in each other. The groom has told me more than once that he decided to take the leap because he saw the happiness my king and i share. We all have had the training marriages. And  we all had plenty of reason to never do that again. But love will always find a way. Happiness is there if you just choose it. So tomorrow we will choose happiness again. And then on the 15th my King and i will celebrate our 2nd anniversary. I am happier than ever because every day i choose it. And i am blessed in this life to have a man who also chooses to be happy even when things are hard. So smile, face the sun, dance in the rain and choose. Choose to be happy even when life is shit.

Life, love and the fear of losing

The mental battles are the worst. Life itself can be great and one little thing will set you off down a dark path that you know does not belong in your current life. Old shit is not new shit and should not be there, but.

Lord knows i have intimacy issues. I also have self worth issues and compliments are still hard for me to simply accept. So toss in life in general and the fact that i am battling my value as a parent and it does not take much for my self esteem and worth to be a little challenged. Take a few days without the physical and my mental goes to shit. I start wondering if i have done something wrong or if reality, old life shit, has finally reared it’s ugly head.  I share a healthy fantasy life with my King but in those moments of self doubt i wonder if he would be better off with someone else. There are times when i wish i could just put his fantasy in his bed and then i would know if it’s just fantasy or if there is something deeper.

Basically i live in a state of constant self bout that is fueled by fear. Not so much fear but preparation. If you prepare for the worst it does not hurt so much when it happens.  Living like this is not healthy. It will destroy me and my happiness and those i love if i can not get it under control and find a way to not be afraid. My world is small, those in it are important to me. I fear loss and of the day when you are no longer loved and easily replaced. It sucks when you live like this and the man in your life has to constantly battle that. It wears them down and eventually they don’t want to fight your old shit any more. So i know that if it all dies it’s my own fault. Lord help me find my inner peace because  i do not know if i could take losing the love i have now. It would be the end of me.

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