Where did she go?

Life gets in the way, the every day of it all. Trust me when i say i love my life. It is filled to the brim with goodness, but i think my sex goddess is in hibernation.

I try every day to look good. there are no sweat pants and baggy t shirts. Parfume and makeup are in attendance often. I have cute under clothes and they do not just live in the drawer. But i fear that my dirty girl fire is missing, not missing just not sparked. I have not written in some time. I watch porn on occasion and think ” that was nice” and then go back to the dishes. I haven’t read any erotica in some time. I need that sexual energy boost in the worst way. I fear that my lack of fire is killing my ability to entice my man. We are just different and i wonder if it is me. Did i just become Martha Stewart. Where is my inner porn star? Another birthday is around the corner and 48 sounds old to me for some reason. I cant keep enough color on my grey hair. Hell i ordered bifocals to go in my fishing gear for god’s sake.

I know it is all just in my head. I know that i am loved but i fear that i am not always desired. Lord knows that we have the busiest lives and that things happen but i have a hard time shaking the ever nagging fear that…..

time to breath deep and sort this shit out because i want to be wanted and if i cant get past the blockage in my own brain then there is no way he can get past it either.

 

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