Learning what the dream means

I’ve had some version of the same dream for months now. I’m always in a vehicle, a car, a boat something. and I’m always way in the back and no one is in the front. We’re cruising along and life is fine. I’m not worried about anyting I’m just enjoying the ride. At some point something gets my attention and I find myself crawling over the seat from the back of a station wagon or minivan or the boat calmly making my way to the wheel or a brake pedal to gain control of this vehicle. Usually that’s when I wake up.

I’ve been trying to understand what’s this craziness means. And after weighing a million possibilities I have finally come to a conclusion. I’ve always known that those vehicles where symbol of my life. I could never figure out why I’m always hanging out in the back and why when there is some kind of supposed crisis I’m so calm making my way to the driver’s seat.

I grew up in chaos. I was always the calm one, the level-headed one. I was always the one who handled the situation and if necessary had a meltdown later. Once I was married life was structured, organized. there was almost never chaos and I never felt so out of control of my life as I did then. During that time someone else was in control and I simply was along for the ride.

It is clear ,to me at least, that my life is pretty calm, peaceful, easy going. I live in love and acceptance. So I guess that’s why I never seemed stressed out in my dreams. Trust me when I tell you that I have mental anxiety every day of my life. But in that dream,in those vehicles, I am calm. I still have no idea who is supposed to be driving the damn car.. maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s no one and that’s how life is supposed to be.

So no I don’t have it all figured out, I’m still sitting here running through the images in my brain in trying to make them make sense in the waking world. But now I welcome that dream. I hope that it returns with some clarity. I’m glad that the dreaming me is not the anxious me that exists when I’m awake. But I do love the knowledge then at some point in my existence I am calm, I am letting go.


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